Larry Nutter Pigzits
by Pixie Angel
Summary: very stupid parody about things that i dreamed about to do with harry potter. some people have read it and say they find it funny, so see if you agree. my first POSTED hp fic, so be gentle.


Chapter one: The meddlers map.  
  
Master Snake, the potions master at Pigzits, was walking through Pigsale, enjoying his favourite pastime of mentally cursing his least favourite pupil, Larry Nutter. He was also happily considering the possibility of failing Larry's know it all best friend, Harmony Grunger. Those two plus Hun Weasel, the gayest boy at Pigzits, made up the filthy four (they are called the filthy four and not the thick three, because Larry Nutter has a split personality and insists on it being acknowledged.) Suddenly, from out of the bushes leapt a huge racoon. "Racoonius! I thought you were locked up in Abracam, the highest security wizard prison in the land!" shouted snake. "Yes simias, but I escaped by seducing a guard and paying off Caramel, the minister of magic!" the racoon said. "But you killed a brothel full of mubbles! How could they let you go!" snake was outraged to hear that the man who once tried to kill him should be let out of prison. "Oh darling, you are sooooo behind. Pesky Pettingzoo killed those mubbles." Said the racoon, rolling his eyes and flicking his paw at the man. "Oh, so why did you have to escape from Abracam then?" "Because Pesky cut off his ear and then turned into a hamster and ran away. Thanks to that Larry Nutter and his meddling friends, I'm on the run still." The racoon shook a paw in the direction of Pigzits and let out a war cry. "Oh, well do you want me to bring that big red tiger to the Seven Snitches so he can buy you a margarinewine?" snake looked at the flat faced red tiger. "Much appreciated friend," said the racoon looking thankful. "Ha! Little do you know that I plan to poison your drink!" muttered snake. "What did you say?" "I said that I am so pleased to see you again." Snake covered quickly. "You too friend." The racoon slid back into the bushes as Snake walked towards Pigsmead again, trying to avoid the red tiger that kept nipping his heels. Suddenly, up ahead he spotted a familiar looking head. "MR NUTTER! What may I ask are you doing in Pigsmead? You are supposed to be at school scrubbing Mr Finch's cauldrons." Snake strode up to the boy and grabbed him while Larry tried to wipe his face. "Don't know what you mean sir. 'S not term time yet. 'S still holidays." "Bumblebore will be very disappointed." The look of glee on snake's face said that he wouldn't be very disappointed. "No no! My scar! It's hurting again!" Larry wrenched free from his grasp and started to writhe in pain. Snake pulled up his shirt and peered at a small appendix scar on his stomach. "Nonsense boy! You're a lying scoundrel, just like your father." Snake sneered at Larry. "SHUT UP! You have no right to talk about my father that way!" Larry whipped out a wand and pointed it at snake. "HENTRIUM DENITRUIN!" suddenly from behind Larry a huge red tiger leapt onto snake. It pounced onto his chest and clung there while snake rolled around on the floor. When he was exhausted, the tiger pulled down Snake's trousers and tugged out a hamster. It was missing an ear. Out of nowhere a huge racoon appeared. "Pesky Pettingzoo! I always knew I'd find you! And now, to kill you!" the racoon flew through the air until Larry reached up and caught it. "No! Pesky killed my father, I say he must live!" but the racoon ignored Larry and scrabbled until it reached the hamster. Then, in one swift gulp, it was gone. "Oh well, you can't save 'em all. " Larry shrugged and walked off into the sunset, his coat billowing out behind him. So did all the others, except for snake, who was looking at something that had dropped out of Larry's pocket. It was a piece of parchment. He tapped it three times with the star on the end of his wand, and said "snake, master of pigzits orders you to confess nasty things about Larry Nutter." Instead of secrets however, these words appeared;  
  
Louise Botha and Mallory Paulsen, hereafter known as the meddling mubbles lady Jupiter and Miss twigglet would like to ask master snake to stick his ugly self away from them.  
  
Miss twigglet wishes to express her deepest sympathies to master snake for looking like he does. The ugly git.  
  
Lady Jupiter would like to agree with Miss twigglet, and add that master snakes nose looks rather like a lopsided potato from this angle.  
  
Miss twigglet would like to say that that was her point in the first place and that master snake should maybe keep his potato shaped nose out of other peoples business.  
  
Lady Jupiter wishes to express her disbelief that master snake is still reading this and that she would have thought being caught with a piece of parchment clearly full of dark magic would worry him slightly.  
  
Miss twigglet would like to express the opinion that master snake is a lopsided git and his greasy hair is dripping all over the floor.  
  
Lady Jupiter would like to wish master snake a miserable life and ask him to please put her down before she screams  
  
Miss twigglet would like to blow a raspberry at master snake and add that since lady Jupiter is inside a piece of parchment, it would be rather hard to scream  
  
Lady Jupiter wishes to tell Miss twigglet that it would also be hard to blow a raspberry.  
  
Miss twigglet and lady Jupiter wish master snake a good day.  
  
Ps, look behind you stupid git!  
  
Snake whipped around and looked behind him, but all he saw were a bunch of tree's and bushes. Outraged that he had been tricked by a piece of paper he whirled back around just in time to see the parchment crinkle up and vanish into thin air.  
  
"Damn you, you meddling mubbles! I'll get you! I'll get you all!" snake laughed evilly as he shook his hand at the sky and let loose a war cry. "Ow! Insect bite."  
  
End of chapter one.  
  
Er, thank you, for bothering to stick around this long, I really wasn't expecting these many to finish so far. Please feel free to put in your REVIEW any ideas for future Larry Nutter adventures, as I'm running out. You will get a mention if I use your idea, as I also need characters. 


End file.
